Over the past several months I've realized that I have a vending machine God theology in my head.  Of course this sounds ridiculous when you verbalize what you think, but it's interesting how we operate on these silly principles.  I have been working on developing my own devotional life as well as some couples devotional time with Deanna.  In doing that I had this mentality that since I am now spending more time than ever in prayer and reading scripture and worshiping that I would just be overflowing the wonderful things like:

1.) the ability to immediately know when something/someone is of God and when it is not

2.) incredible flowing in the Holy Spirit

3.) never sinning again - ever

4.) always keeping an even temper and casually working through all disagreements

5.) having people get saved by my very presence in the room because God's spirit is so strong on me

I mean really...is that so much to ask for?  Isn't that what God promises in scripture for those who pursue Him??

However, God is not a vending machine.  I should not expect that just because I put in my dollar (that is, as soon as I find a crisp dollar and get it to face the right direction) that I have the right to demand and expect to get my white chocolate kit kat when I think I should get it.  In fact, He is not less of a God is the candy I didn't select gets stuck and I have to put in another dollar to get something I didn't even want out.  What if I wait and wait and wait and wait and don't see any visible changes?  What if things actually start to get worse and worse and worse and worse?  What then?  What is my response to that?  Do I call maintenance and ask for a refund?  Or do I realize that He is not a vending machine God that I can command and control and use how I see fit? 

I am seeking to do that later.  I aspire to realize that despite the return (or the apparent lack thereof) that I am seeing, that God is still God and my seeking Him is still training me to follow His ways better and to know Him more intimately.  In the end I have always found that I get exactly what I need exactly when I need it so why should I doubt just because my prayers seem to cause all hell to break loose within me.